


Chess

by thisislogical



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, T'hy'la
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-23
Updated: 2013-11-23
Packaged: 2018-01-02 09:36:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1055243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisislogical/pseuds/thisislogical
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>6 months, 5 days, 22 hours, 17 minutes and 51 seconds. That is how long I have been friends with my captain. With Jim. It took 4 days and approximately 3 hours for us to reach this point. It began with a game of chess.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chess

6 months, 5 days, 22 hours, 17 minutes and 51 seconds. That is how long I have been friends with my captain. With Jim. It took 4 days and approximately 3 hours for us to reach this point. It began with a game of chess.

After our incident with the Narada, I found it unlikely that the now official Captain Kirk would accept me as a First Officer. Despite my doubts, I was accepted. Welcomed. Wanted. This would be the first of many surprises from Jim Kirk.

During the first three days of our 5 year mission, I was unsure how to behave when in proximity to my captain. In fact, I was still ashamed of how I had reacted to his words on the bridge during the Narada incident. As a result, I kept my distance. 

On the fourth day, Captain Kirk approached me with what I can only imagine was a determined look on his face. I was in the hallway outside of my room at the time.

"Commander, a word?" 

"Of course, Captain," I had answered, and invited him into my room.

Jim marched in as I waited for him to begin. He had looked at me intently, opened his mouth, and abruptly closed it. I waited 37 seconds before choosing to begin the conversation myself. 

"Captain, is there something you wish to discuss with me?"

Relief had passed over his face. "Sort of. Do you play chess, Mr. Spock?"

I had been surprised and, illogically, happy at this question.

"I do play chess occasionally. May I enquire as to why you wish to know?"

He had laughed then. It had confused me at the time.

"Because I want to know if you wanna play."

I had answered without thinking. "That would be agreeable."

Jim had smiled. "Great!"

During that game, we did not engage in much discourse. That is, until Jim brought up a difficult subject.

"Spock?"

"Yes, Captain?" I had responded.

"Jim. It's Jim when we're off duty."

I had to fight back a sigh. "Yes, Jim?"

"I, uh, wanted to say...well, I'm sorry." His eyes had drifted away from mine. 

"For what are you apologizing?"

"For that stuff I said to you. You know, after Vulcan...after Nero…"

I had been shocked. Logically, I hid this emotion as I hid all of the others.

"Jim, it is I who should apologize." To my horror, my voice almost broke as I continued. "I almost killed you." 

At this, Jim's eyes had widened. He had risen from his seat and started pacing. "For good reason! Spock, what I said was unforgivable. I would have done the same thing if someone said those things to me! I probably wouldn't have stopped...you did."

"Yet I have forgiven you. It never occurred to me to hold it against you." 

"But how?" He looked so weak, so vulnerable. Jim hung his head and refused to look me in the eye. "How can you forgive me?"

"It was not difficult. You only did what you thought necessary at the time. There was not much to forgive." 

"Spock…" And then he did look at me, and the expression in his eyes almost took my breath away. If I had been fully human, I do not know how I would have reacted. There was so much affection and gratefulness in those eyes. "Thank you."

From that moment on, I knew that I had a friend in my captain. In Jim Kirk. 

 

***

3 months, 13 days, 19 hours, 21 minutes, and 17 seconds ago was the moment Jim pronounced that he saw me as part of his family. That, indeed, every crew member on the Enterprise was like a family. We were, in fact, playing chess. It had become a nightly routine, so long as neither the Captain nor myself had any duties to perform. 

However, while many of our games passed with what Jim had called 'small talk', this game differed entirely. The Captain and I were debating a specific action of his that I had believed illogical. The 'argument', as Jim called it ("Vulcans do not argue, Captain") was rather pointless and would have been resolved if he had begun with his closing argument.

"Spock, I told you, you'd be dead if I hadn't jumped in front of you!" At this point, the two of us had remained sitting on either side of the chess board, the game, in Jim's case, forgotten. It is not in my nature to forget something that is directly in front of me and I most certainly was not distracted by the argu- discussion we were having. Not in the slightest. 

"It was unnecessary, Captain-"

"Jim."

"-for you to sustain an injury that could have been fatal because of me."

"Well I did, so suck it up."

"Excuse me, that is-"

"An expression, Spock. It's a 'colloquialism'." 

"Very well, Captain. My point remains. I would like to inquire as to why you continuously risk your life for mine."

"Because." 

At this point Jim had risen from his seat, as he often does when aggravated or stressed, and began to pace. It was a common occurrence for him to walk back and forth within the small area. The logic in this action still remains unknown to me. 

"'Because' is not an answer Captain."

"Jim. It's Jim. I thought we were past the whole rank thing." 

"So we are, when we are not speaking of our positions. In this instance, we are discussing your inherent incapability of keeping out of danger when it is possible for you to do so. This falls under your duty as Captain, therefore it is the title I will address you by." 

"Fine, Commander." 

His goal, I am sure, was to cause an emotional response within me. He succeeded, though unknowingly, as I controlled my anger at his comment. 

"Then I shall ask again. Why do you risk your life for mine?"

"Because you...you are more important."

"You are Captain."

"As a person, Sp- Commander, you are more important than me. I'm easily replaceable. You're not." 

"This is illogical. You are not easily replaceable, for there is no other Jim Kirk in existence in this universe. As such, you are the captain of Starfleet's most important vessel and must take precautions to make sure that you remain her captain. These precautions do not include catapulting yourself in front of every phaser that is pointed at my being." 

"Listen Spock, I can't do that. It just...I guess it's just that...you...Look. I just can't."

"Explain."

Jim had sighed and sat back down, only this time he sat next to me instead of across from me. He ran a hand through his hair and looked up at me. "You're too important. Spock, everyone on this ship is like family to me. Losing anyone is hard. But you, you're like a brother to me. I wouldn't, couldn't, handle it if you, you died. I just couldn't. So I'm sorry for risking myself, but if it's between dying and losing you, I'd die."

I had been speechless. So I did the only thing I could do, though it was difficult. As I had seen many humans do, I put my hand on Jim's shoulder. He had looked up at me and smiled, and I knew that he was like a brother to me as well. 

***

1 month, 4 days, 18 hours, 23 minutes, and 58 seconds ago is the moment I will remember for the rest of my life. It has changed my existence. 

"Spock!" Jim...my Captain was walking towards me, a smile on his face. 

But it was not his normal smile. It did not reach his eyes. 

"Look, I have to talk to you. It's...uh, it's about the last mission and sickbay." 

I stiffened. I clearly remembered what happened in sickbay after our disastrous mission near Klingon space. Having an eidetic memory was unfortunate at some points in life.

*Flashback* In front of me lay my Captain, slowly fighting for his next breath. Dr. McCoy had been walking to and from various mechanical devices, attempting to revive Jim. I looked at him and my side hurt. It was hurting me that he was in pain. I took a step forward, involuntarily. The Doctor had glanced at me, as surprised by my movement as I was. And then I took another step, and another, until I was at Jim's side. My captain...my friend was in pain, and there was nothing I was able to do to help. I heard the beeping on a machine change and heard Dr. McCoy let out a breath, as if relieved. 

"He's stabilizing. He should be awake soon, though, so if you want to head on back to whatever you do after missions…?" The doctor had looked at me, I believe. I did not look back. My gaze was fixed on Jim. 

"No."

"Excuse me? Now listen here, you green-blooded hobgoblin-" I heard him approaching me and held up a hand before slightly turning myself.

"I will say this once, and only once. I require to be by his side. I request that you let me stay."

To my surprise, hidden as it always was, he obliged. Without a word, he left the room and closed the door. 

With no one watching, I let myself release a breath I had not realized I was holding. Gently I lowered myself until I was sitting on the edge of the biobed. 

Jim's eyes fluttered for a moment before he returned to sleep. 

The pain in my side increased. 'Heartache' I realized with chagrin. Illogical. 

But as I looked back at my Captain, my friend, my colleague, my Jim, I realized that maybe, perhaps, it was not completely illogical. Emotion itself is not entirely illogical. As I looked at him, I finally found another word to add to what Jim was to me. T'hy'la. 

And with that thought my walls crumbled around me. Thoughts and feelings I had repressed came rushing back, engulfing me in a sea of emotion, one emotion. Love.

I loved Jim. 

A second after the thought crossed my mind, Jim stirred, rolling towards the side of the biobed I sat on. His hand brushed my arm before I could rebuild my shields and his eyes flew open. 

"What the-" he looked around frantically before noticing my presence. His eyes were wild and confused. 

He had felt it. I was projecting too much, my shields unable to protect those who touched me from emotional transference. He knew. He had to. 

I ran. *End flashback*

"Of course, Captain." I inclined my head, though a flash of fear had hit me at his statement. "What is it you would like to discuss?"

"Well I thought we should talk about this somewhere less public, actually. Can you meet me in my room in fifteen minutes? We can play a game of chess or something."

"Yes, sir."

"Jim."

With that one word, my fear vanished. He could not be angry, or worse, disgusted with me if he was still allowing me to address him as Jim.

"Yes, Jim." 

14 minutes and 47 seconds later I stood outside of Jim's door. A strange sort of nervous energy was invading my body, and I could not seem to make myself stand completely still. First my leg twitched, a very uncommon happenstance for Vulcans. Next my arm. And so on until I saw Jim walking down the hallway toward me. 

"Why didn't you just go in Spock? You've got an override code." Jim frowned a bit.

"I did not wish to invade your privacy and thought it prudent to wait for you here." 

"Ok. Well you're not invading my privacy. You know, for future reference." Jim smiled then, and it was a real smile, one that touched his eyes and lit up his face. 

"I will keep that in mind, Jim." 

Said man gave me a strange look that I could not decipher and entered his passcode. He gestured for me to go in first, and I took my usual seat on one side of the table. Jim entered and collected the chess set from its place on the shelves. For a moment I forgot what I had been nervous about.

"So Spock. We need to talk." 

Ah. That. 

"What do you wish to talk about, Captain?" 

"Oh no. No. I am not 'captain' right now, understand? Not for this conversation." He sat down across from me and set up the chess board before continuing. "About sickbay…" he trailed off and moved a pawn.

I carefully moved a knight and replied. "What about sickbay, Jim?" 

Jim sighed and ran a hand through his hair before looking up at me. "You know what I'm talking about Spock. Don't pretend you don't." 

This was a dilemma. I had two options, two different directions to choose from. I could lie, and say I did not know what he was talking about. On the other hand, I could tell the truth, as Vulcans are supposed to do. My Vulcan side won.

"Yes, I believe I know what you are referencing. However, I do not know what you intend to discuss."

Jim did not answer. He simply kept his gaze fixed on the board.

"Jim?" 

Finally he looked up at me, and the expression in his eyes was one I had difficulty reading. It was...confusion, determination, nervousness, hurt, and...affection?

"I know that this is going to sound stupid, but I...I felt your emotions. I don't know how, 'cause I thought only Vulcans could do that, but maybe, I don't know, you were thinking really loudly or something? Does that happen?" 

I took a breath. And another. I opened my mouth to respond, and realized I could not find the words I required. I was unable to find an acceptable answer without revealing that he had, in fact, been privy to my emotions in that moment. "Vulcans are able to project their thoughts and...feelings when in contact with another being." 

Jim's eyes widened. 

"In the instance you are speaking of, your hand came into contact with my arm for a brief moment."

"So it was you." Jim's voice still held uncertainty in it. 

I held back a sigh. There was no avoiding this now. "Yes, Jim." 

All I could hope for, now that he knew for a fact that I felt more for him than he felt for me, was for our working relationship to remain untarnished. 

Because I had expected disgust or, at the least, anger, I did not foresee what occurred after I answered. 

Jim reached across the table and placed his hand on mine and said, "Taluhk nash-veh k'dular." 

My breath caught in my throat as I heard my t'hy'la say, in my native tongue, "I cherish thee", the closest phrase Vulcans have for I love you.

I placed my other hand on top of his and replied, "I love you as well, Jim."


End file.
